


The Memories Are Grey [But They're Really Coming Back]

by sinandmisery



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-18 11:58:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18699169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinandmisery/pseuds/sinandmisery
Summary: Carol makes her way back to Earth for Monica's 12th birthday with a lot of recovered memories.





	The Memories Are Grey [But They're Really Coming Back]

**Author's Note:**

> This was the fic I was actually working on when inspiration hit for the other one shot I posted the other day. Again, unbeta'd and hopefully y'all enjoy. I've stared at this so long I don't even know if makes sense anymore so I guess that means it's time to post it.
> 
> (The two sections in italics are flashbacks, if that wasn't obvious.)
> 
> Title from "Heaven" by Warrant because the era just fit. (As does the first verse)

It's been approximately 46 hours and 3 jump points since they left C-53 when Talos stops by Carol's quarters with a gift enclosed in a small black box. She takes it from him, eyebrows knitted in confusion and curiosity, but he simply leans against the door frame and waits for her to open it. Inside the box is a watch with a soft leather strap, the face silver and shiny as it glints in the ship's lights. As she picks it up from the box, she notices the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo embossed into the strap and laughs.

"So covert," she mutters as she puts it on her left wrist.

"Fury gave it to me before we left, as a token of appreciation, but I thought you might need it more," he says, a hint of knowing in his eyes. He'd spent those same six years away from his family, too, and he'd been in Carol's head, so it wasn't hard to make that connection. "To keep track of time on C-53."

"Earth," she says, correcting him with a smile, because even if she's not Carol-from-before, she's definitely not Vers, so she wants to work on becoming to Carol-of-now. And Carol-of-now knows Earth. Knows _home_ , even if it doesn't quite feel like it yet.

"Earth."

"Thank you," she says, and she means it earnestly, because knowing it's 19:35 on June 27th in Louisiana somehow makes her feel more connected to Maria and Monica, even though she's light years away.

\---

It's nearly five months later when Carol lands back on Earth, touching down on the edge of a bayou less than a mile from Maria's house. If her watch and her shaky memories (courtesy of Talos's newly rebuilt memory machine) are right, it's November 13th, which means is Monica's 12th birthday and far past time for a visit to her family. She uses the touchpad on her bracer to change her suit colors into something more inconspicuous - more Earth-normal.  As she walks along the bayou to Maria's, the birds and insects come alive with the sun and it echos in Carol's mind, stirring up a hazy memory of a summer morning: sitting on a porch, drinking iced tea with Maria and watching Monica run through the sprinkler, squealing with delight at the cold water. She smiles to herself and picks up the pace, eager to see the only family she's ever actually claimed.

She reaches the house just as Maria and Monica step onto the porch, Monica chattering a million miles a minute as Maria attempts to lock the door while also juggling a large plastic container in her other hand. It clicks with her then that there are things like school and work that she hadn't even considered as she blasted through the galaxy to get here. She's grateful for the luck in timing; a few minutes later and it looks like she would have missed them.

They're both too distracted to notice her, so she steps forward and announces her presence. "Need a hand?"

They both jump and turn at the same time, Maria _actually_ needing a hand as she nearly drops the container she's holding, but Carol can't help because she's hit with an armful of Monica, who has barrelled full force down the stairs and jumped into her arms.

"Auntie Carol!" Monica buries her face in Carol's neck and squeezes to the point that Carol thinks she actually might suffocate, but she's squeezes right back and is smiling and laughing and so, _so glad_ to be here.

"Monica, let Auntie Carol breathe," Maria calls from the porch, frozen to her spot the same way she was when Carol showed up in her garage back in the summer. Carol smiles at her over Monica's shoulder, as luminous and free as she was before the accident.

Monica finally pulls back and lets Carol place her back on the ground, dropping her book bag in the grass and grabbing Carol's hands. "Auntie Carol, did you know it was my birthday? Is that why you came back today?" She asks the question with such enthusiasm, bouncing on the balls of her feet, that Carol can't stop smiling.

Carol nods. "Sure did, Lieutenant Trouble. Surprised?"

"Yes!" Monica turns and faces Maria, a megawatt smile on her face. "This is the best birthday present _ever_! Mom! Do I have to go to school?! Can I _please_ stay home with you and Auntie Carol?"

"You know you can't skip school," Carol answers, purely on instinct before Maria can even say anything and Maria can't help the look of surprise that crosses her face. Carol had always been the more spontaneous one and was nearly incapable of telling Monica no. "But I promise I'll still be here when school's out, okay?"

"Fine." Monica pouts, picking her book bag back up and sliding it on her slumped shoulders.

"Y'know," Carol kneels down in the damp grass and tilts Monica's chin up so they're looking at each other. "If you don't go to school, how are you going to learn to build that spaceship to come visit me?"

"And what would we do with all these cupcakes for your class?" Maria asks from the top of the stairs, trying to ignore the swell of emotion in her chest at this tiny moment of co-parenting she never imagined she'd have with Carol again.

Monica's face lights back up. "Okay! But can we at least get pizza for dinner tonight? And ice cream?"

"Whatever you want, birthday girl," Maria says, smiling at her daughter. "Now take these and go get in the car, I'll be there in a minute."

Monica rushes up the stairs and grabs the container of cupcakes before she scampers off to the car, giggling and shouting excitedly all the way about the best birthday ever. Carol watches her go, only turning to face Maria once the car door closes.

"Hi," she says, standing and smiling at Maria wide and bright, in the way that makes her cheeks hurt.

"Hi," Maria says, and it comes out in a whisper, a breath of air she'd be surprised if Carol could actually hear.

"Sorry for the surprise," Carol says, and her fingers itch to reach out and touch, so she shoves them in the pockets of her old leather jacket. "I couldn't exactly call you."

She bites her lip and looks away, suddenly realizing how presumptive it was to just show up like this with no warning.

"No, it's... it's good," Maria says, finally moving across the creaky porch and down the stairs. She pulls Carol into a full body hug, melts against her in the kind of reunion she kind of wishes they had months ago. She buries her face against Carol's neck and inhales deeply, reminding herself that this is _real_. Carol is here and Carol is alive and Carol is _real_. "It's so good."

Carol jerks her hands from her pockets and squeezes back the second Maria reaches for her, feeling the nerves under her skin crackle and pop, but not with the energy that flows through her veins. No, this is pure giddy excitement, a type of electricity she hasn't felt since she Maria pulled her into a hug just before she left Earth with the Skrulls. There are gaps, still, in all the details about her past, but she's started remembering enough - enough that she definitely knows what this is, and she lets it burn for a minute before tamping it down, knowing it's nowhere near the time or place to confront it.

"MOOOOOOM! AUNTIE CAROLLLLLL! COME ON! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!"

Carol and Maria jump apart as Monica's voice pulls them out of their bubble, both of them laughing.

"Want some company?"

"Always. I'll even buy you breakfast after," Maria says, her knuckles brushing against Carol's as she walks toward the car, fighting the urge to link their fingers together, even just for those few yards until they reach the car.

Carol immediately follows, letting herself imagine, just for a moment, what it would be like if this was her daily routine.

\---

After they drop Monica at school, Maria drives them to a small diner a few blocks away and they tuck into a corner, sitting on opposite sides of a red vinyl booth with twin mugs of black coffee. It feels familiar, even if Carol can't quite pinpoint an exact memory it's tied to.

"So did you actually remember it was Monica's birthday or was this just a happy accident?" Maria asks after the waitress walks away to put their order in. She's been itching to know the truth since Carol appeared in their front lawn, but Monica dominated the conversation on the ride to school, and it wasn't really the place to ask that kind of question anyway.

"I remembered," Carol says with a soft smile. The confirmation causes something strange to flash across Maria's face and Carol tilts her head slightly as she tries to process it. "It's still not _all_ there. The flashes still come and go, just bits and pieces of information, but Talos has this machine that sort of helps you dig into your subconscious - it's how he connected me with Lawson - and he's been helping me connect the dots a bit."

Maria hums and takes a sip of her coffee, watching Carol. "Anything else?"

"Quite a bit," she says, even if she's not ready to reveal what all it is that she remembers. She remembers a lot of specific memories, and even more vague details, but part of her is afraid that their time apart has allowed to Maria to pack them away as nothing more than fond memories of a time she's moved past while Carol is reliving them in the present, as vivid and emotional as they were the first time around. She looks down at the dull table top, picks at a spot where the clear coat is cracking. "Did we used to do this?"

"Eat breakfast?" Maria asks, smiling at her over the rim of her coffee cup, and Carol kicks at her gently under the table. Maria laughs softly at the squinty expression on Carol's face that screams _smartass._

"You know what I mean. Did we ever spend time here? Or somewhere similar?"

"There was a place sort of like this just off base," Maria confirms as she sets her mug back down on the table, letting those memories take over. "It was open 24 hours, so we'd go there a lot after..."

"Pancho's," they finish together.

"You remember?"

"A little bit. I remember... the feeling, I guess, more than anything? Just walking in here, it felt familiar. Like I'd done this before, with you."

"We were definitely there. A lot. You used to swear by a greasy meal before bed to keep away the hangovers." Maria pauses, looks at Carol with a slight squint. "Can you even get hangovers anymore? Wait. Don't answer that. I don't really want to know 'cause I'll probably just be mad."

"I don't actually know even know if Earth alcohol can get me drunk," Carol says, laughing. "I guess we could find out. Someday."

The mention of _someday_ causes Maria's heart to stutter in her chest, hopeful and hesitant at once. "I guess we could. Anyway," Maria says, pausing to take a drink of her coffee. "We definitely spent a lot of time there. They had this jukebox and you'd always steal a dollar from me as soon as we got there, play something _way_ too loud for 2:30 in the morning."

Carol laughs and suddenly a memory clicks into place. "Is it really stealing if you give it willingly?"

"Is it really _willingly_ if you had to employ those puppy dog eyes - which Monica has absolutely mastered, so thank you for that - to get me to give it up?"

"I don't seem to remember that being against the rules," Carol says. "I got us kicked out of there once, didn't I? Karaoke on top of a table?"

"You sure did. I tried to stop you but you weren't listening, you just had to get up there and do your best Axl Rose," Maria says. She remembers that night in excruciating detail - from what they wore to the taste of the shitty whiskey Carol had been drinking that night - thanks to what happened immediately following their (temporary, thankfully) ejection from the diner. She shakes her head, muttering, "Of course you remember _that_ part of the night."

Their server interrupts for a moment with their breakfast, but as soon as she leaves, Carol asks Maria to repeat herself.

"Nothing," Maria says, digging into her food, and Carol doesn't quite believe her but she lets it go anyway.

\---

_Carol bursts through the door of the diner, the hot desert air smacking her in the face in stark contrast to the air-conditioned indoors. The noise from inside dulls as the door swings shut behind her, but she continues with the karaoke that got her kicked out in the first place, spinning around as she waits for Maria._

_"Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty! Take. Me. Hooooommmeee."_

_"Oh I'm going to take you home alright," a much more sober Maria says from behind her, the gruffness in her voice only half serious as she reaches for Carol's arm to stop her from spinning, leading her toward the Camaro parked in the back corner of the lot. "And in the morning you're going to buy me an apology breakfast no matter how bad your hangover is."_

_Carol, for her part, at least has the decency to look mildly chagrined for a moment. "Scouts Honor," she says once they've reached the car, holding up three fingers in a solemn swear and grinning goofily until Maria smiles back._

_"Pain in the ass."_

_"Maybe," Carol says, voice dropped an octave lower, "but I'm **your** pain in the ass, aren't I?" She leans in close as she whispers her words, just inches from Maria's mouth, and Maria swallows hard, nods. _

_Carol's eyes drop to Maria's mouth, following her tongue as it darts out to wet her lips, then back up to meet Maria's eyes. Later, it will become an ongoing argument, who kissed who first, but in the moment, all that matters is that they're kissing - **finally** \- and it's beautiful and glorious and so much more than Carol could ever even imagine. It's the closest thing to the high she gets from flying she has ever felt, but then Maria's hands are in her hair and her tongue is in her mouth and **oh god** it might actually be better than flying. When Maria's hips press her into the car door, she knows for sure it is. _

_Carol pulls back, breathless and panting, and wonders if she looks just awed as Maria does right now, pupils blown wide and skin glowing in the dim lights of the lot. She feels lightheaded and grounded all at once, and plants her hands on Maria's hips just to steady herself._

_"So," she says once she can breathe normally again, fingers flexing at Maria's hips, brushing the tiniest sliver of bare skin. "What was that about taking me home?"_

\---

After breakfast, they run a few errands together before ending up back at the house so Maria can finish up the tune up on her neighbors prop plane. It all feels so normal, so easy - the way Carol slips back into her life - that it's honestly a little hard for Maria to remind herself this isn't, and will never be, an everyday thing.

"I know it's not a fancy intergalactic spaceship or anything," Maria says as she hands over an extra set of coveralls. "But the company would be appreciated."

Carol sheds her leather jacket then starts to work her way out of the top part of her suit and Maria averts her eyes as she strips down to the tank top underneath before pulling on the coveralls and smiling at Maria. "I don't think I remember much about prop engines, but I guess we'll find out."

Maria is proud of the fact that she only jumps a little when Carol speaks, slightly startled, and shakes her head as if to clear her thoughts. "What?"

Carol laughs and arches an eyebrow at Maria. "Where's your head at?"

"If you remember that, you should remember that's _my_ line," Maria says and Carol just smiles, not missing the way Maria expertly dodges the question.

As it turns out, Carol _doesn't_ remember much about prop engines, but she does remember the tools, so becomes Maria's apprentice, passing along tools so Maria's can move from one part of the job to the next without having to walk across the makeshift hangar every time she needs something new. The radio plays softly in the background as they work and Carol tells Maria about space, about other planets and other galaxies and all the different types of aliens she's met on her travels.

Maria asks her random questions as well, like are there bars on different planets ("Most planets, yeah. Seems to be a common theme."), what her favorite planet is ("Earth, of course. It's home," she says, and Maria stops working for a minute but doesn't chance a look at her.), or what's the furthest she's been from Earth ("Don't actually know. I'll have to get back to you on that."). It seems to be an unspoken agreement that they avoid the topic of Carol's life on Hala. They'll get there, one day, Carol thinks, but now is not the time.

When she finishes with the engine, they clean up together - putting away tools, wiping down all of the grease smudges on the outside of the plane - navigating the small makeshift hangar in a delicate dance they haven't practiced in years but still know all the steps to. Maria's at one of the toolboxes, organizing the socks properly by size, when Carol steps up behind her with the last few tools. She's humming along to the song on the radio as she approaches and Maria spins around abruptly, accidentally knocking the wrench from Carol's hands.

"You remember this song?" She asks, unable to hide the hitch in her voice as she speaks.

"What?" Carol asks, then it occurs to her that she was humming along. "Yeah, I guess I do?"

\---

_It's another hot, dry evening in the desert, and the tiny window AC in Maria's off-base apartment isn't doing much to mitigate that. She takes a swig from her beer and wipes her brow with the back of her arm before submerging her hands back into the warm water to continue washing dishes. Carol sits next to her on the counter, taking a plate from Maria's hands and drying it before placing it in the rack._

_"Y'know, I can do the dishes by myself," she says. "You cooked dinner."_

_Maria shrugs. "I don't mind it," she says, handing Carol a now-clean glass. "Company's not so bad either."_

_Carol nudges Maria's thigh with her foot. "Excuse you, I'm amazing."_

_"Modest, too," she says, and they both laugh._

_They continue with the dishes in a companionable silence, save for the radio crackling on in the background and Carol humming along from time to time, and Maria smiles to herself, content. It's just the two of them for the evening, Monica having her weekly Saturday sleepover with her parents, and as much as Maria loves her daughter - loves everything about how taken she and Carol are with each other, loves their_ **_family_ ** _\- she's happy to have a quiet night with just the two of them. After she washes the last plate and pulls the plug to drain the water, she dries her hands off and pulls her shirt away from where it's stuck to her back with sweat._

_"This damn heatwave is killing me," Maria says, fanning her her face as if that's somehow going to stop the sweltering heat._

_"Me too," Carol agrees, drying the final plate and sticking it into the drainer. She hooks her toes around the back of Maria's thighs and pulls her closer, draping her arms around her shoulders. "Thank you for dinner," she says, dropping a chaste kiss against Maria's mouth, her fingers coming up to play with the short hairs at the nape of Maria's neck._

_Maria moans softly, leaning back into the touch. "Thank you for coming over," she says, as if Carol doesn't practically live there already. She has her own place, for the sake of appearances, but there's a toothbrush in Maria's bathroom, half the dresser has been taken over by Carol's clothes, and her favorite boots live in Maria's closet. Still, it never fails to thrill Maria when Carol chooses to spend her time there._

_"Wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here," Carol says, dragging her fingers down Maria's neck to splay out against her strong shoulders, massaging against the sweat-slick skin. "At home."_

_Maria swallows hard, feels her insides flip flop and her heart thunders against ribcage when Carol calls this_ **_home_ ** _. "Sweet talker," she says, leaning up to claim Carol's mouth once again._

_Their kisses are lazy and exploring, in no rush to go anywhere at all. Just before they break apart, Maria's fingers twist through Carol's curls and tug gently, a soft moan escaping Carol's throat as she does._

_"It's not sweet talking if it's true," Carol says before slipping off the counter, effectively pinning herself between Maria and the cabinets._

_"If you say so," Maria says, and then reaches behind Carol for their empty beer bottles. "Another?"_

_"I'll get 'em," Carol offers, grabbing the bottles from Maria. "You go sit."_

_Maria heads to the couch, grateful to be closer to the moderately cooler air the the window unit is pumping out. She smiles as she watches Carol, dancing her way across the kitchen and back to the living room._

_"I love this song," Carol says, turning up the radio a bit as she passes it. She twists off the cap and hands over Maria's beer, then uses her own still sealed bottle as a makeshift microphone, belting out the chorus to Maria, "_ _I'll be there for you, these five words I swear to you. When you breathe, I want to be the air for you..."_

 _Maria laughs at her antics, swatting at her leg from her spot on the couch. "You don't stop, I'm kicking you out," she says, even if they both know she would_ **_never_ ** _._

_Carol just takes it as a challenge, puts her beer on the table and pulls Maria up off the couch, rocking them into a wild attempt at a slow dance as she continues to sing. "I'd live and I'd die for you. I'd steal the sun from the sky for you. Words can't say what love can do, I'll be there for you."_

_She finishes the chorus with an exaggerated dip, grinning like a fool the entire time. Maria laughs again and stumbles into a kiss when Carol pulls her back up._

_"I love you," Carol says when they pull apart, still swaying together as the song plays on in the background._

_Maria leans in and kisses her softly again. "I love you, too," she says. "But you know that song is about a couple about to break up, right?"_

_"Whatever," Carol says, rolling her eyes. "The chorus is good."_

_"It is," Maria agrees, and despite her earlier complaints about the heat, she shifts closer and presses her cheek to Carol's, continuing their aimless slow dance._

\---

When Carol and Maria make their way back to Monica's school to pick her up, Carol is fairly certain she hasn't even heard the school bell finish ringing before she's got an armful of Monica again.

"Auntie Carol! You stayed!" Monica exclaims as she runs out of the school, dropping her bag and the plastic cupcake container at Carol's feet before launching into her arms.

Carol laughs and spins Monica around in a circle before setting her back down. "Of course I did, LT. I promised you, didn't I?"

"Yeah, I just..." Monica starts, quickly trailing off.

"You just what?" Carol asks softly. She looks at Maria for help, but Maria shrugs her shoulder, unsure as well.

"Maybe there was a space emergency. I don't know."

"C'mere," Carol says, kneeling down in front of Monica much like she had that morning. "I can't make any guarantees, but I can promise you that even if there is a space emergency, I will do _everything_ in my power to say goodbye to you before I have to go, okay?"

Monica nods. "Pinky swear?" She asks, holding out her own pinky finger.

"Pinky swear," Carol says seriously, locking their fingers. "I wouldn't let my best lieutenant down. I do have a very important question for you though. Make sure you answer me honestly."

"What?" Monica asks, nearly bouncing with excitement.

"Are you to old for piggyback rides? You _are_ 12, now. That's practically an adult."

"Never!" She exclaims, giggling as she scrambles to climb on Carol's back.

Maria watches the two of them, laughing at their antics, but also acutely aware of just how much they have been missing out on in Carol's absence. "Come on," Maria says, picking up Monica's belongings. "How about we go get some ice cream?"

"Last one to the car's a rotten egg," Monica exclaims. "Come on, Auntie Carol!"

Carol laughs, weaving through the parking lot to get to the car before Maria can get there, making sure to hold tight to a giggling Monica so she doesn't slip even an inch.

"Mom, you're the rotten egg!" Monica calls when she and Carol reach the car first, and she slides down off Carol's back so they can fist bump in victory. "Do you think you could take me flying sometime?"

"I'd love to, LT, but I think you'd have to ask your mom about that one."

"Ask your mom about what one?" Maria asks as she reaches the car and unlocks it so everyone can climb in.

"If Auntie Carol can take me flying!" Monica exclaims. "Please, mom? It would be, like, the coolest thing _ever_."

Maria looks between the two of them, shaking her head at their matching puppy dog eyes. "I'll think about it," she says.

Monica pumps her fist in victory, then leans toward Carol. "That totally means yes," she mock-whispers.

"Get in the car you two," Maria says, laughing as she climbs in the driver's seat.

\---

After homework and pizza and ice cream and a movie that lasts an hour past her bedtime, Monica begrudgingly agrees to head up to bed. Carol waits until she hears the water go off in the bathroom before she stands and says, "I'll be right back."

Maria smiles and stands up as well. "Join me outside after?"

"You know it," Carol says with a smile, heading for the stairs. By the time she makes it to Monica's room at the top of the stairs, Monica is already in bed with her lights out, save for the lamp on her nightstand, with a book in her hand. Carol knocks tentatively on the door frame, hovering. "Hey, Lieutenant Trouble. I just wanted to say good night again."

"Are you leaving already?" Monica asks, the hesitation evident in her voice.

"No, no," Carol says, crossing the room so she's standing next to Monica's bed. "I just wanted to say goodnight and make sure you had a good birthday."

"The best!" Monica exclaims, throwing back her covers and jumping up to wrap her arms around Carol's neck. "I got the only thing I asked for this year."

"Is that so?" Carol asks as she hugs Monica back.

"Yup! I told mama the only thing I wanted for my birthday this year was to see you again. She told me not to get my hopes up, but I knew you'd make it back."

Carol laughs and squeezes Monica tighter. "Then I'm certainly glad I did."

"Do you think you'll get to stay? At least for a few days?" Monica asks as she pulls away and settles back down into bed. Carol sits on the edge of the bed and helps tuck her in again, shrugging.

"If your mom will let me stay, yeah. I could stick around a few more days."

"She will."

"I'll talk to her, okay?" Carol asks, laughing at Monica's certainty.

"Okay. But she's going to say yes."

"We'll see. Now don't stay up too late, even if it is to read," Carol says, standing up and making her way to the door. She's almost reached the hall when Monica calls out.

"Auntie Carol?"

Carol pauses and turns around. "Yeah?"

"I love you. Thank you for coming back for my birthday."

"Love you too, kid," Carol says, beaming, her heart suddenly swelling so much that it feels too big for her chest. She makes her way outside, practically floating her way to Maria who already has a bottle of beer open and is holding another out to Carol.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Carol says, still beaming as she sits down next to Maria, leaning against one of the pillars on the porch. "I just wanted to say good night."

Maria just _hmmm_ s in response and takes a swig of her beer. "Thank you," she says, looking over at Carol, who just raises an eyebrow in question. "For coming today."

"She says this was the only thing she wanted for her birthday this year."

" _This_ year? Carol, it's the only thing she's asked for at every birthday or Christmas since you didn't come back from that flight. Always Auntie Carol this, Auntie Carol that," Maria says, a loop of memories of these requests playing in her head. "It was rough, at first. She talked about you all the time. Like you were still here. I swear that girl _knew_ you were out there, just waiting to come back."

"I'm sorry it took me so long," Carol says, frowning.

"No. No," Maria says, dropping her hand to Carol's knee to squeeze gently. "Don't you dare."

"It's just..."

"No," Maria says with finality. "You have _nothing_ to apologize for."

Carol, for once, doesn't argue, and they fall into a comfortable silence, drinking their beers and staring out into the night sky. Maria's hand hasn't moved from where it fell against her leg earlier and Carol is acutely aware of every millimeter of contact, her skin tingling with the contact, even if it's through her jeans. It's not long before the distraction of the contact has Carol's gaze drifting from the sky to study Maria's profile, recommitting it to memory as if it wasn't one of the things her scrambled brain managed to hold on to for 6 years, even if she couldn't remember why.

"Where's your head at?" Maria asks, and it's such a loaded question at the moment, Carol's not even sure how to answer. For a brief moment, she considers making something up, telling her about some adventure with Talos and the Skrulls, but that's not going to get them anywhere

"Right here," she says.

"Yeah?"

Carol nods and is quiet for a minute before she adds, "I think... I think even when it wasn't, my heart always was."

"Carol..."

"When I was on Hala," Carol starts slowly. It's the first time they've talked about her missing time since that moment in the yard after the black box recording. "I had these dreams about my life here. I mean, I didn't _know_ it was about my life here, not then. But it was always something. About the crash, mostly. Or about flying in general. I couldn't always see you, but your voice was always there. There was _always_ this voice. Frantic, after the crash. Elated, in flight on my comms. Reverent..."

She trails off for a moment, unsure of how to end that sentence. Maria has that look on her face again, the one Carol's seen multiple times throughout the day, and it encourages her to continue. "We were more than friends."

It's a statement, not a question, and Carol holds Maria's gaze as she says it.

"Carol..." Maria whispers again, and it's that tone - that same _reverence_ from years of dreams - that hits Carol square in the chest.

"It's okay," Carol says, swallowing hard, finally looking away. "I know why you didn't say anything before. Or I guess... I think I know?"

"I didn't-" Maria starts, but Carol cuts her off.

"I'm not mad." She blinks hard because she's absolutely not going to _cry_ over this. "I have no right to be mad."

"You're allowed to feel things. I know what they told you on Hala, but your feelings don't make you weak."

"I know. I know that. But I'm not mad. Not at you, anyway," Carol pushes herself up so she's standing, pacing a bit on the porch. "I'm sad, I guess, more than anything. It's like... I know I'm not her. I have her face and I have some of her memories, but I'm not that person that got in that plane almost 7 years ago. And it's not... it's not _fair_ , y'know? We..." Carol pauses, shakes her head. "You two had something. Something _real_. But now here I am and I have nothing more than some memories from someone else's life, and you've got all the memories but the ghost of someone you love. So... I get it, y'know, why you didn't say anything. But it still sucks."

"Hey." Maria stands up as well and reaches for Carol's hand, their fingers linking together instinctively, but Carol can't quite meet her eyes. "Look at me," she says gently, squeezing her hand and waiting until Carol looks at her. "You know, I'm not the same person either, Carol. I'm not that person that watched _you_ get on that plane that day. Sure, I didn't get abducted by aliens and have my memories scrambled, but my life changed that day too. _Everything_ I knew changed that day."

"I know," Carol says, nodding. "I didn't mean to imply..."

Maria shakes her head. "No. I know. But I need you to listen to me, and I need you to hear me. Okay?"

Carol nods slowly.

"When you first came back, sure, I couldn't quite reconcile my past with my present. New, actual superpowered you with the Carol who was _our_ superhero. I had spent years mourning you and I didn't know if I would ever be able to fit those pieces together in a way that made sense. But then Talos showed up in my house and you were willing to listen to this person you'd spent so long fighting, just to make sure Monica was safe. I knew right then you were still the Carol I knew and loved, even if you didn't know it yet. So you do _not_ have to be two different people. The Carol Danvers I knew before her plane crashed and she disappeared and the Carol Danvers standing in front of me right now, they're not two different people. They're just the same person who went through a shitty life experience."

"Maria."

"The reason I didn't say anything to you about _us_? It had nothing to do with thinking you weren't Carol. I was just scared, I guess. You didn't remember anything yet and who knew what they'd been trying to tell you on Hala. They'd taken so much from you, I didn't even know if you would understand it was a thing that was possible. That was okay. I was scared you wouldn't accept it. Accept us. And then when it became obvious that you were fighting against everything they'd tried to train into you, you were going to leave with Talos. What was I going to do? Beg you to stay? You never would have stayed."

Carol looks sheepish and starts to turn away, but Maria cups her cheek and guides her back to look at her. She looks her directly in the eyes when she continues, "But that's part of why I fell in love with you. You wouldn't be Carol if you weren't out there making the big, stupid, hero sacrifices and I love you both because of it and in spite of it."

"Wait," Carol says, eyes going wide. "You _love_ me? As in like... currently love me? Actively, right-this-very-second _love me_?"

Maria laughs and leans forward, resting her forehead against Carol's. "Carol Danvers, I have loved you since the second you stepped in front of that idiot Fairchild during basic and pretended he wasn't even there as you introduced yourself to me. I loved you every second you were here and I've loved you every second you've been gone. So yes, to answer your question, I currently, actively, right-this-very-second love you."

Carol laughs, light and free, as she feels the vice-like grip on her heart loosen. "So does that mean I can kiss you now?"

Maria starts to nod, but she's stopped midway through the action by Carol's lips against hers, insistent and sure. Her lips are chapped from all her intergalactic travels, but it's still soft and perfect, and _so_ much more than Maria would have ever hoped for in the last six years. It's slow for a moment as they regain their familiarity, but when Carol's tongue grazes Maria's bottom lip, the tiniest of sounds escapes her throat and it's as if the last six years of absence never existed.

Carol backs Maria into one of the bannisters on the porch as they kiss, her hands roaming Maria's curves the way they always did, and when her fingertips graze just above the waistband of her shorts, Maria is infinitely thankful for the support of the beam behind her back, lest her knees _actually_ give out from underneath her.

"By the way," Carol mumbles in between kisses, as one of Maria's hands grasps at her hair, the other at her hip. "I love you, too."

Maria is ecstatic when she hears those words again; feels absolutely weightless, as if she could just float away if it weren't for Carol's mouth and hips and hands tethering her to the spot. She wonders, briefly, if Carol's powers feel anything like the tingling under her skin right now, like millions of supercharged balls of energy are coursing through her veins, but then Carol nips along her jaw and her thoughts are on absolutely nothing but that, fingers flexing and unflexing in Carol's hair.

"I love you currently." Another nip, right at the junction of jaw and neck. "Actively." She nips again, along Maria's smooth throat. "Right-this-very-second." Her collarbone this time, nudging the strap of her tank top ever so slightly with her nose for a bit better access.

She kisses her way - slowly, so _excruciatingly_ slowly, that Maria bites her lip to keep from whimpering - back up Maria's neck and jaw until they're eye to eye. "I never stopped."

"Me either," Maria says, letting the hand wound in Carol's hair drop down until it's on her shoulder, the tips of her fingers just peeking under the neckline of Carol's shirt.

Carol tips her head down, grazing Maria's hand with her lips. "You know this won't be easy."

"I know."

"I still have to be up there. I could be gone for a few months sometimes."

"I know," Maria says again, nodding along because she _absolutely_ knows how hard this will be, but it seems useless to fight something they both clearly want. "But that was always a possibility. Back in the Air Force, we knew there was a chance we could get separate deployments, but we stayed. Promised we'd fight if it ever came to that."

"I guess it's come to that, huh?" Carol says.

"It has."

"I will, if you will," Carol says, nodding. "For you. For both of you. I'll do everything I can to be here as much as possible. Even if it's just for a few hours. I'll bring a communicator next time. So we can see each other and..."

Maria squeezes Carol's shoulder gently, cutting her off with a simple, "Carol?"

"Yes?"

"Will you please shut up and take me to bed?"

Carol laughs, sweeps Maria into her arms, and does exactly that.


End file.
